i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
