I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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