Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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