; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
