Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My breasts were aching with rage.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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