i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
