I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
