we're blogging at a bar
so explain again why im purple
no
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
