He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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