Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
