Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
