After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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