She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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