I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Two words: blizzard sex
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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