I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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