so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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