Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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