you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
