My room smells like vodka and shame
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
