Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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