worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
