I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
