Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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