I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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