This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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