I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
