Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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