My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
