I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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