Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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