happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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