i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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