I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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