Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
