Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Send help, water and tortillas.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
