I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
