Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
