mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
