im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
