dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
