Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My dick has a subreddit
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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