I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
