If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
