I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
only you would photoshop your dick
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
