Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
