Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
