Nicole vs. Life
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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