My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
