Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
