I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
